Two days ago, we were discussing the prospect of going for a vacation. To spend some time in serenity, calm, bliss. Perhaps some old town with a palace breaking down, or a long forgotten beach the the edge of the world. But then, she found this. A hospital. Honestly, her choices of vacations had always been expensive and not fun, but a guy has to honor his lady’s wishes.
She sure got the calm she wanted, yes. She didn’t budge, except smile and whisper some things for the five minutes that she was conscious. And a foodie. The fact that she was going to leave me did not stop her from eating a cupcake. “Our last cupcake together. And for once I’m not counting calories.” she had chuckled, before she went into a deep sleep.
They said she was gonna die in peace. That she wouldn’t feel pain. But is pain only physical? If her mind was working, if she could think and comprehend, wasn’t she in incredible pain? A dreamer, she was, a dreamer with unfulfilled dreams. An angel with with wings, denied the sky. She was in pain, yes. A pain one cannot decipher, one cannot live to tell.
I held her hand as she began to get cold. The pervert that I was, I couldn’t stop thinking about her touch. So warm, flooding me with zeal. But I couldn’t look at her eyes. Those almond eyes, those eyes that gave me hope and faith. The light in them was fading away, and there was nothing, nothing I could do to capture their essence.
I was a selfish human being. What right did I have to break inside as she was dying? So young, so beautiful, so full of potential. Just gone like that, her life stolen away from her. The sick sense of humor that the universe had, the bully that it was. It got me to her, and then stole her away from me.
She couldn’t die. We had made promises while watching “The Notebook”. She was breaking her promise and I detested her for that. I was angry at her, but I only clutched on to her hand tighter, hoping to chain her soul to her body, as her heart seized to beat.