You are not a “man”

Not that I expect people to adhere to the societal expectations of masculine and feminine. I couldn’t care less about what the society has to say. But some people simply do not understand well built arguments, and hence the statement.

If you hit a woman (or anyone, really) you are not a man.

All the glory and glare about being masculine, being a brave heart and strong willed. All those steroid induced muscles. Please, dear abusers, cut the crap. There is no respect in showing your power over any human being, especially your loved ones, by physically assaulting there. There are no if’s and/or buts. The very idea of physically dominating someone simply because you can is morally flawed. It’s not only a punch. You will crush all her trust, you will snatch away her respect for you. You will smother her soul, until she feels nothing. Not even the love she had for you.

Yes, you will control her with fear. That’s all that she’ll ever feel, fear. She’ll dread your thought, and she’ll never be able to give herself to you completely. Because the man she trusted, who made her smile sometime in the past, is now the reason she cried at night and lies to her friends about the bruises. Every part of her will detest you, she will shiver at your thought.

And yes, I know. So many of these abusers grow up in abusive homes. I can give you my sympathy, because seeing violence as an acceptable form of communication is learnt. I’m sorry that you went through it. I wish I could offer you a better childhood. But your wounds don’t give you the licence to hurt others. If anything, you saw your mother cry. That should be enough to get angry at the perpetrators, not your own partners.

If you love someone, you don’t hurt them in such cruel ways. Even if you don’t love someone, you don’t hurt them in such cruel ways. Irrespective of the relationship, you just don’t. When you clench your fist and it collides against her face, you lose some of your humanity. You hurt her, you hurt yourself. There is no happy ending, this is one path that will always lead to a disaster. Please, I beg you. Don’t.

Yes, my rants will probably help nobody. But I simply cannot stand this entire notion where men think it is their birth right to raise their hand on women “to control them.” No, we’re not circus animals. And women who internalise domestic violence, that’s even worse. If nothing, respect yourself enough as a human voice and speak up. I promise you, you’ll be glad.

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