My advice to the advisors and advisees


Do you know that sometimes the ‘advice’ that you give is what makes me cry to sleep at night? It makes me stare at my blood shot eyes in the mirror and wonder if I’m really that pathetic a person at 3 am during the night while seriously considering radical steps nobody should ever think about.

As much as I understand that the intentions are nothing but pure, the methods are all messed up. You cannot be so crude as to absolutely choke someone’s self-esteem. You cannot be so rude that I feel like a worthless piece of shit. There are better, more positive ways to convert what you want to without crushing me in ways that are unfathomable to you.

For example:

Situation: Need to lose weight

Ideal intervention: Darling, you know I would never think of you as imperfect and those extra calories don’t matter, but be careful with your health. I don’t want you to get any illness.

Real intervention: You eat junk food all the time. You’re lazy. Go work out. Go work out even though you can’t because of medical reasons, because your thighs are getting the size of Antarctica and they look hideous in shorts. Lose some weight in your arms if you want to wear sleeveless and stomach if you want to wear a crop top. Stop eating the food you love but don’t you stop eating the greasy food I make. And then go work out because you look as fat as a pig.

There you have it. Everything wrong with some people in one example. See, you can let your loved ones know that they might be wrong, advice them and counsel them. What you cannot do is make them feel like shit and ensure that they never ever feel free to talk to you again, simply because they know all they’ll get is extreme amount of criticism.

You can constructively criticise, but you cannot destructively mock them. Don’t you ever think that you have the right to do that to anyone (including yourself). Because that will result in nothing but sadness and sorrow and somber situations, and we don’t want that.

And as for everyone reading this, I suppose most of you have been through similar situations. Don’t listen to those haters. Even if it’s your own mother being cruel to you, don’t let her get to you. Know that your life is yours and nobody others’, that nobody can or should be able to hurt you in such disgusting ways. Keep you head head high and understand that you’re beautiful.

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