“I’m sorry” he said

“I’m sorry” he said. I smiled and told him it’s okay. He got mad about me talking to one of my male friends and started yelling at me when we were alone in the evening. I started crying, but he ignored me. But he said he was sorry, and I forgive him.

“I’m sorry” he said. My boyfriend was furious I didn’t call him back. I tried to tell him I was driving and the traffic was bad, and I didn’t want to put anyone in undue risk. He told me that I wasn’t a good girlfriend and that I didn’t love him enough. He thought I was seeing someone else, and didn’t want him in my life. I told him it wasn’t true, but he left our date in the middle. But he said he was sorry, and I forgive him.

“I’m sorry” he said. He forgot my birthday and didn’t wish me. He said it was just him not being good with dates, but I wondered how he remembers all the football matches. He tells me he’ll get me a gift later and rushes for work because this conversation already made him late. But he said he was sorry, and I forgive him.

“I’m sorry” he said. Yesterday, he called me a bitch. We were fighting about not talking enough, and I told him I felt alone. He started yelling at me and called me an oversensitive little bitch and threw a tantrum before leaving the house. After a week, I got flowers with a little note. But he said he was sorry, and I forgive him.

“I’m sorry” he said. It was our anniversary and I didn’t cook food well enough. He threw the plate and told me I was good for nothing, and he didn’t know why he was dating a woman like me. My love rolled his eyes at me and told me he missed his ex, who always cooked for him. But he said he was sorry, and I forgive him.

“I’m sorry” he said. He threatened to hit me. He raised his hand in the air about to strike me when the bell rang and the pizza delivery guy saved me.  I had a nightmare that night about him and couldn’t control my panic attacks. He didn’t do anything to fix it. But he said he was sorry, and I forgive him.

“I’m sorry” he said. He punched me today and called me a lying whore. He thinks I’m cheating on him with some guy I met online. I try to tell him I love him and I would never be unfaithful, but he didn’t believe me. He gave me a bruise and went out for a drive. But he said he was sorry, and I forgive him.

“I’m sorry” he said. He threatened me that he would show the world my intimate photos as revenge after I did something out of good faith. I felt vulnerable and intimidated by the power he had, and broke down. He called me after a day and told me he was drunk when he said those words. But he said he was sorry, and I forgive him.

“I’m sorry” he said. Some money was lost on betting on a football game, and he came home mad at the world. He grabbed my face to kiss me, and when I resisted, he grabbed my hands and kept them above my head as he stripped me of my clothes and consent. I begged and pleaded him to not rape me, not that he listened. But he said he was sorry, and I forgive him.

“I’m sorry” he said. It has been three years, and this would be the last sorry I would hear from him. Yesterday night he finally stabbed me in his burning rage and fury, and then cried over my dead body. I lay there lifeless as he tried to get rid of the evidence. But he said he was sorry, and I forgive him.

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