“I’ll never give up on you.” you said. It took less than two months for those words to turn into lies, like everything else before them. And I gave up, and you gave up, and let go of the strings that attached us together, across the oceans and underneath the brilliant night sky.
There were friends and family and the little voice inside my head telling me I deserved better anyway and that I should have been tougher on you for violating me in unforgivable ways and for stabbing me when I had my back turned on you. And I wanted to believe them so much. My rational part screamed “Good Riddance” but something inside me was empty for months.
It was one in those twilights of conflict inside of me, when I first felt the presence. Your ghost, it lurks around in the shadows of my mind. It stares me down when our song plays and whispers in my ears when I remember those conversations. Your ghost overpowers all my senses at night and I am forced to pull a blanket over my head and curl into a ball and shut my eyes, waiting for sunlight again. You ghost remains, and I remember that I love you and I hate you.
And so I search for closure everywhere I can think of. I try to find answers in the depths of the binaries that rule our world and in the extensive scriptures that ruled our world. I try to make sense of the mythology we grew up with and apply fiction and fantasy to our lives. I wonder if those pixels on TV are correct about all of it being my fault or if my favorite singer does infact believe it was all your fault and then I wonder how can they give me answers about us? Because they didn’t love you with the burning passion that I did, their hearts are now not ashes in their palms.
I reach out my hand for one last time, hoping you don’t let me fall into the abyss of questions and doubts and words unsaid and dreams undone. I reach out and wail out but there is nobody there. Your ghost watches me tumble down and down until I am nothing but a speck of dust.
Those words echo in my mind. You always wanted your vengeance, and you found the best way. You promised to guide me back home and let me lose my way in an unknown world.