20th of April

This day meant the world to me. I remember what happened three years ago, today. It was probably one of the most important decisions of my life that I made, on 20/04/2013. Till yesterday, I thought today was going to hurt. A lot. I assumed the memories and regrets would consume me, but guess what?

I’m just fine. The weather is beautiful, Taylor Swift’s “Clean” is playing on repeat, my room smells splendid, and my anxiety revolves only around college. I’m not a bundle of tears, locked away in my room. Yes, I remember you. I miss you dearly. But I’ve come to accept the present and the future than ponder over the past. I’ve decided to let my past be exactly where it belongs, in the deepest corners of my mind.

And today I can finally claim, I think I will be okay. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I know I’m strong enough to not be scared of you for my entire lifetime. There will come a day when I won’t panic a little when I see your name. There won’t be any harsh memories blurring my vision. There will be just reminiscence over the happy moments, and I can deal with that. I would like that.

This post is for everyone struggling with something. I cannot promise you that it will heal completely, or that you’ll get over it with ice cream and movies. But one day, you will wake up and realise the ache is just a tad bit more bearable.


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