You know who you are, and it will probably please you to know that you are still on my mind. Of course you are, after those calls. Because now, you are back in my worst nightmares.
You have the money and the madness to hunt me down. You love me, you say, you love me and I should never forget it. And maybe you do, in your own twisted ways. Maybe your version of love is the blackmail people, again and again. Maybe your version of love is to abuse, to yell and scream and throw tantrums.
I’m yours, you say, like I’m something you can possess. You’ll find me, and then we’ll be together. I want to run, run from the city I love and home that I adore, for you might find me one day. What then, darling? A kiss you try your luck with, and then your fist colliding against my face. If you could be fine with telling me you’d physically hurt me and stand by your stand for days, you might as well kill me in your rage. And then you’d go back to your life of football and beers.
You want to move on, you say. Only if you hear me say I love someone else. What if I told you, I almost fell for someone else but the universe interfered? What if I told you I would rather never fall in love again? What if I told you that maybe, just maybe, you should respect my decision. Because I am nobody’s to own, nobody’s to claim. I am my own master and slave, and that my consent is what matters. And I don’t want you anywhere near me. Because the very thought of you blurs my world and chills my soul.
Just let me be. I don’t want to argue with you, I don’t want my things back. I can live without my money, but I cannot leave with the worst days of my life shadowing me around. I worked very hard getting to a stage in life where I was content. Happy. And now you threaten to snatch it all away, again. I don’t have the strength to fight you anymore, I might just give up.
And so I hope you go and live your life. I hope our paths never cross again. I hope the memories fade away with the years. I hope this too passes by.