Dating in 2016

Last year, I got out of my first relationship. I’m not even going to talk about it again, because at this point everyone knows it was gut wrenchingly painful. And then, earlier this year I met a guy. If my first boyfriend taught me what is love, he taught me how to love. It was one of those plain, silly romances – holding hands and everything. We got drunk and danced with each other, neither of us great at it. But then we had to address this thing called distance.

That’s the thing about dating currently. It seems like the world is so connected, so modern. It isn’t that difficult to date someone far away, is it? All you must do it acquaint yourself with Skype and know the time zones. But it doesn’t work out that way. I knew better. And so, even though I spent nights crying myself to sleep, I decided not to go ahead with a relationship. And exactly one year after ending my long relationship, I was there again. Heartbroken, confused and vulnerable.

Dating shouldn’t have to be very hard, and movies would like to convince you it is not. You just find someone you love and then work things out. They always work out, always. And if not, it’s not the end. You just keep going at it, and get your Rachel anyway. But, darling, life isn’t a brilliantly written sitcom. Only if it were, huh?

It’s so messy, because you must figure out what everyone wants? Does he want to talk to me? Is it because I’m his project partner or because he finds me interesting. God, what if he doesn’t have the same principles as I do? What if he wants to get married in three weeks, or just wants a one night stand? Did he date someone I know, would I be a jerk asking him out? How do I ask him out? What if he says no? What if he says yes? What is this? Are we dating, are we in a relationship, is it official, is it exclusive?

Suddenly, liking or loving someone has become more complicated than it should be. Perhaps it always was, and I was ignorant to the fact. But the fact that so many would be aggressive and disrespectful absolutely baffles me. The fact that my contact details are stolen and my inbox is spammed irritates me. The fact that my ex’s best friend would stoop down to the extent of asking for my photos and number (probably without letting his buddy know) like an entitled being makes me feel sick.

When did it become alright to betray a friend for some girl’s number, when did become okay to send unsolicited dick pics, when did it become okay to call me your “love” in the first text to me? There are so many things that don’t sit right with me. And perhaps I’m wrong about a few of them, and there is a good possibility that I am over thinking at least in part. There is no way my paranoia could all be justified, right? But then, I look around at the 20-somethings and all of them are struggling to comprehend how all of it works out.

Love is primal, but modern dating is not. It is a royal mess, a web of intricacies I can’t seem to unwind without completely destroying it. Or, I am just lazy and tired of failing and being disappointed, over and over again.

I don’t think I’m cut out for relationships anymore. There’s just way too many complications than I can handle. For heaven’s sake, I can’t follow a recipe with more than 3 steps. How do you expect me to figure out my way in this labyrinth of opinions and tags and social stigmas?

And so, here I am. Dating is beyond my capabilities.

It’s time for comebacks

I am a twitter person. It’s my home, and I absolutely adore the space. It’s free and filled with people who are charming and witty. You can find people who are eccentric, and they soon become your friends. But there’s another group of people who spend all their waking hours making the lives of others absolutely miserable. The ignorant little pricks.

Since yesterday, I’ve been trying to knock some sense into a guy who is, honestly, a lost cause. This one wants to slap activists who raised their voice over a human rights violation which was tied to the majority religion in India. I won’t get into the details of the little debate we still (unfortunately) continue to have. And this reminded me of all the people I’ve ever spoken to who have something extremely dimwitted to propagate. They are all, without fail extremists, who assume they have the answers to all problems in the world and the entire world is foolish to believe in certain fundamental rights.

Homophobes and Misogynists use the “law of nature” argument. That homosexuals are not natural, that women were born inferior to men. Multiple researches, only a click away, prove them to be wrong. However, I know they wouldn’t believe in them. And so, I use the argument I love the most. If we hold true the “law of nature” argument for the sake of the debate, it raises many other questions. Darlings, if you are such a firm believer in the way things are naturally, why not go all in? Let’s forget all about monogamy because humans are polygamous in nature. Let’s not even encourage the institution of marriage, or the idea of virginity, or the family structure, because that is not the nature’s way. Better yet, lets all get rid of religion – do you think nature came up with millions of Gods who apparently love to bathe in milk?

This, in turn, brings me to another popular argument I hear. Some “God” they claim, made things the way they are and we must respect them. A being that people haven’t seen, or heard, but have known of only through elitists who strive to maintain the status quo. Millions believe some random person (and always, always some man) designed the world and all our destinies. That the Slave Trade was justified and the Holocaust was all planned, for this person or entity or whatever wanted drama and couldn’t pay for Netflix. I have so many things I want to yell and scream, but I will try to remain civil (or your God will throw me into Hell) First of, dear humans, nobody decides anything. I do agree to social, economic and political situations determining a person’s actions and life, but there is absolutely nothing supernatural controlling us.

Even if you want to believe in God, go ahead. I don’t support them, but I understand the feelings of faith and hope. If I have to stand in your shoes and explain to you how ridiculous the argument is, here it goes. God created us. If He doesn’t like something that’s up, He’ll probably come down for a stroll and destroy it. Humans doing or not doing something doesn’t threaten God in any way. Think about it, isn’t it ridiculous that this one Being that made all of universe(s) is suddenly in danger because some woman decides to have sex before marriage?

And to end my arguments, please understand that we are a secular, democratic country. Our legislation doesn’t, and shouldn’t be, influenced by the views of any religion but only by the constitution. This point I make with India in my mind, but a lot of countries today fall into the same category. So the next time someone is trying to do fight for the rights or the marginalised, don’t bother bringing up nature and God into the picture. Thank you.

 

P.s. There was recently a podcast that linked one of my posts to their description. I didn’t hear all of it, but I did listen to the parts. Someone ended up thinking that refusing the gender binaries and being transgender etc is not normal, and I do not support the view. Again, I couldn’t stand the entire discussion, but here is to clarify that I do not support any anti LGBTIQA thoughts/ groups/ movements. Kbye.

Learning to drive?

It’s February and some, which means most of us are back to being the lazy, messed up selves we were in 2015. Congratulations on not adhering to yet another New Year resolution! I couldn’t be any prouder.

Anyhoo, this post is targetted for a specific audience, which should have been evident when you saw the title. But if you are a pro at driving (stop throwing it in my face, you) and don’t feel the need to read ahead, this might just be like a trip down memory lane and remind you that you were not always perfect.

So if you’re just beginning to drive, understand that it is a meticulous art…something like modern day martial arts. You need to have your senses on high alert. You must have a keen eye out the windshield, maneuver the car through traffic and keep it in one lane, not miss out on any detail in the rearview mirror while jamming to Taylor Swift and sipping your Starbucks. It’s underrated, really. You have the power to kill a dozen innocent people, but don’t worry, you’ll be just fine at it.

It is not as easy as the video games, okay? For the first few days, you will be dumbfounded at the little details. I need to press clutch before shifting the gear? What is the point of technology is I cannot shift gears without having to hit clutch and accelerator at precise moments in time? Yes, I drive a manual and I am highly jealous of everyone who does not have to deal with the ordeal of shifting gears.

Parking most definitely involves some black magic. Let’s start with the process of having to find parking spots if you live in the city. Parking spots are like that last piece of pizza your friends and you wrestle for, only it’s most satisfying than pizza. Trust me on that one. Once you do find a space between two cars, good luck trying to squeeze in that SUV in a swift motion without earning some curses and glares from fellow people who now cannot move because you’re trying to fit your gigantic, hollow piece of metal in a spot that leaves zero room for error.

Speed limits are…tricky. Where I live, they expect us to travel at half the speed cars usually travel at, and you don’t know whether to be the one who makes all the cars slow down or risk getting a ticket. This is why your school had those philosophy and morality classes, for this very purpose. Goodluck making your decision, which (as I have mentioned before, but would like to emphasize on) may or may not kill human beings.

Drunk driving is just a giant no. I cannot even make jokes over here. It is literally the worst decision you will ever make. If you’re drunk and have to make the choice between texting your ex and driving, go ahead and send a naked selfie to that ex you left hanging over driving even an inch in your state. You think you can manage it, but remember all the times you had minor heart attacks because you almost died because you were a little too late in making that turn. Now imagine yourself in that situation when you can barely speak without slurring.

And some miscellaneous tips. Make sure your car isn’t reeking of decomposing food, and please do not let your friends think you are a free taxi service. Don’t drive down two blocks, you lethargic and polluting excuse of a human being. Be nice to your examiner when you go for the test because one bright smile can earn you the license so you can go on that road trip during spring break. And most of all, always, always play great music. And enjoy steering your car, because you will soon realise you cannot steer your life.

Oh, Guardians of Culture

Recently I stumbled upon a post, which led to a rather…peculiar website. I knew it stood against everything I believe in, but I was curious to read their justifications. This is what I read when I scrolled down, and well. Okay.

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If you insist, former football coach. I might also add that I find it amusing to see how football coaches are now qualified to make judgements about morality and immorality and call for an entire team movement against homosexuality. Screw the game, let’s talk about God and The Bible.

I think this individual forgot that the “White Man’s Burden” is no longer a thing – as much as some would like it to be, it is not. I promise you. So you can take your religious preachings and your hate and keep them to yourself. Thank you.

Oh, homosexuality isn’t the only thing they hate. I might also add abortion to their list, which they equate to murder. Because what are rights of women? Some random work of fiction it seems.

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The term “re-criminalisation of abortion”sends chills down my spine. Here are people who have no idea about what a catastrophe it would be, what a violation it would be, to strip women of power over their own bodies. But who gives a flying shit, yeah?

Wait, but I have to give credit where it’s due. This group is hateful and ignorant and pathetic, but they do sell merchandise at a reasonable rate. So now, you can propagate intolerance with style.

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America is, albeit self-appointed and self-declared, the greatest country in the world. And nobody can deny that it has influence over the rest of the world. If your President goes to Kenya and talks about accepting homosexuality (something I respect Obama for), you should probably work on reducing hate within your own country, no?

My point here is, most people assume that the fight is over. But we’re far from the finishing line. And maybe there is no finishing line, but we’ve got to keep moving. There are fringe elements in the western, more “developed” society that threaten some basic rights and freedoms. And in India, where I live, laws themselves threaten freedoms. The entire world still has a long way to go, so please do not abandon the cause. Or, you know, we’ll be stuck with having to accept everything the bright red shirt says.

 

To Answer You, R. City and Adam Lavigne

My cousin made me listen to this song called ‘Locked Away’ by R. City featuring Adam Lavigne. And it hit home. I felt tremendous amount of guilt and shame. I mean, the song pretty much implied that I should stay with someone no matter what, and well, that simply isn’t the case with me. So, I decided to break it down, and post my answer to all these questions the two of them ask in the song. I am hoping people have similar answers to mine, or I’d be a horrible, horrible human being.

Not that I care much.

Here are the lyrics, and my answers. Let me know yours too!

If I got locked away
And we lost it all today
Tell me honestly would you still love me the same?

Eh? It really depends on the crime. You got locked up because the country we live in is a homophobic nation-state with laws criminalising homosexuality and you’re a lesbian/ bisexual? I’m going to love you the same. You got locked up for murder? Probably not going to love you as much. So you know, depends.

If I showed you my flaws
If I couldn’t be strong
Tell me honestly would you still love me the same?

Define flaws, then we talk. But I don’t expect you to be strong all the time, I really don’t. I’ll love you more if you’re real and true to me, rather than put up an act of being this Greek God.

Right about now
If I judge for life, man, would you stay by my side?
Or is you gonna say goodbye?
Can you tell me right now?

I’ll tell you after knowing what this thing is about?

If I couldn’t buy you the fancy things in life
Shawty, would it be alright

Oh hell yeah, you don’t have to buy anything for me. Don’t you see me going through college? All of this is to get a job and get money and get my Dior Addict perfumes myself. I need little things from you, like unexpected hugs and cooking me food and we’re good to go.

Come on show me that you down
Now tell me would you really ride for me
Baby tell me would you die for me
Would you spend your whole life with me

I shall do all of the above (and more) if you love, respect and trust me, and I reciprocate the feelings. But, isn’t that rather obvious? Why do we even need to ask this question? Man, don’t go around wasting my time. Also, we really need to talk about being very extreme with these questions.

Would you be there to always hold me down
Tell me would you really cry for me
Baby don’t lie to me
If I didn’t have anything
I wanna know would you stick around

Wow, you know when we have assignments/ papers to submit worth 5000 words but don’t have enough material, we paraphrase and elaborate and give examples for every single thing? That is exactly what is happening right now. Also, if you want to, refer to my answers above because I’m not repeating myself.

Blah. Same. Every single line came back to being the same, but the answers to all of them are written above, dear R. City and Adam Lavigne. Also, loving the accent.

Mandatory disclaimer: I don’t own the song, the lyrics, the composition. Nothing. Nada. I just copy pasted them off google, since I’m too lazy to type them myself. However, if any copyright owners want this content off this website, please tell me. I will take it off. It’s not like anyone reads this anyway. If I may add, copyright people, if you found this somehow, you need to find some more productive things to do. And also, please don’t shut this website down. Like plij.

P.s. Adam Lavigne has a beautiful voice. *fan girl squeal*

Patriotism

tumblr_m8tcqd6AKf1qaduebAs many of you may know, I am an Indian. And today, on August 15th 2015, we are celebrating our 69th Independence day (I can hear so many giggle, I swear)

I woke up to patriotic songs – and Lord, do we have a large bunch I hear twice in one year? I groaned because honestly, I wanted to sleep. I didn’t want to listen to all these songs and speeches, but I had no choice. I got up, had breakfast, got ready – wore a white shirt, as is customary – and went from my safe haven on the 21st floor to the function my mother was participating in. More songs. Kids singing about freedom fighters and martyrs, immediately followed by eating of junk food and going home. And I wondered what the hell is wrong with our idea of patriotism.

The following will apply to people in most countries. Except if you’re in North Korea and somehow accessing this. Then, for you and your family’s sake, do whatever Kim Jong-Un wants you to. If he says Patriotism is being Loyal to the House Lannister and hating House Stark, then so be it.

Patriotism, my friend, does not mean wearing the colours of your nation’s flag and going around playing songs about your country and being grateful for 24 hours. It does not mean discarding the flags the next day and dumping your clothes in the back of your closet the next day. Patriotism doesn’t mean blindly preaching whatever the nation is and being proud and content about where you are now. It does not mean posting photos on Instagram saying #IndependenceSelfie #Swaraaj #LOLColonisers.

Geez, grow up. Instead of forcing your kids to sing songs about freedom fighters they never read about, maybe think. Talk to them about what freedom means to them and why they value. Instead of throwing the flags everywhere, clean up the streets that you live in. Instead of wearing white, wear black, protesting everything wrong happening in your country despite the ‘freedom’. Yes. Protest. Because trust me, those people we think of on days like these would be so saddened by the state of affairs today.

Patriotism doesn’t mean unconditional love for the state. Oh no. It means having the courage of pointing out when the nation is wrong and where it could do better – and contributing towards it. It means having enough awareness about you rights and duties that come with freedom. Fight for the freedom of the ones who still don’t have it, the minorities of our country.

Please, don’t have an overenthusiastic sense of patriotism for a day and get done with it. I’d rather see people have little, even a teeny tiny bit of patriotism everyday, and make change. Work towards economic, social, political and cultural development.

That being said. Happy Independence Day, India. And to all the people living in other countries who aren’t celebrating Independence today, well. Learn to celebrate it today and everyday for the rest of your lives.

I hope you never figure out your life

Do you guys remember that one time, that one time that you had your entire life figured out and you were content and happy and at peace?

Yeah, me neither.

You know why? Because there is no point in life where you’ll have nothing, absolutely nothing to worry about. Wait, before you click the unfollow button, let me explain myself.

There will always be life issues. You’ll always worry about things. Sometimes they’ll be as small as whether or not the barista is going to give you your coffee at just the right temperature, and other times they’ll be about things like losing a loved one or being kicked out of your job as a pair of twins are on their way into the world. There will always be troubles, little things tugging at your sleeves, nudging you time and again. From the moment you wake up, till you fall sleep (and often manifesting themselves in your dreams), stuff will never leave your side.

But remember, that doesn’t mean you won’t be happy. You can still wear a smile, through the better days or worse. Yes maybe you missed that train to work but so what? Smile. Remind yourself to set another alarm because apparently six alarms just don’t cut it for you to wake up. And then, wait for the next train. And then maybe you go through your first heartbreak. You know what? Cry your heart out and cuss and watch rom-coms with your friends and sneak out of the house to get that person out of your mind and hook up with some random stranger you find at a pub that you got into using a fake ID to start with to feel numb again and then, finally, begin to heal. However, in the middle of all of this craziness, you’ll have your share of happiness and that is what you will need to hold on to.

And you won’t be content with your constant issues in life. Maybe it’s for the best. The day everything is okay, just fine, you will stop pushing. You will stop working on yourself, your surroundings. You will grow lazy and satisfied with the sheer nothingness of life. You will stop dreaming and you will seize to be ambitious. You will no longer be excited about waking up on a random day or mark a date on your calendar simply because there is nothing makes you look forward to something. There is just nothing left to feel or do or learn or think. And that is, perhaps, a fate worse than constant troubles.

So you know what? Be grateful you never knew the moment I asked you about. And I hope you never feel the kind of stagnation, I hope that your life is full of boredom and excitement, of love and hate, of sorrow and joy, and everything in between. I hope you never get your life together until a few seconds before your death, when you look back and realise that this is exactly how you liked it to start with; the life that was messy and difficult, even torturous to live through. And maybe, a second before you die, you’ll realise that this inability of figuring out life is what life is all about.