Africa gets in your blood

It was another afternoon around town, from a market we visited to get those beautiful quirky materials – chitenge, if I spell it right. It was hot, alright. The windows in the taxi were rolled down, and I let the wind mess with my hair. I wanted to take it all in, because I was supposed to be flying away soon.

 

Me, being the cliche Mzungu. Also this one is actually a cub. 

“Africa gets in your blood” an old man said. He was sitting in the front, looking straight ahead. It was unusually quiet for a taxi ride in Zambia, but he must’ve noticed my sad smile. That’s all he really said to me, the most he addressed me. He didn’t really say goodbye when he got down, didn’t offer a comforting smile like most people would, didn’t even turn around to look at the girl he simply threw some wise words at.

 

Africa gets in your blood, it does. It doesn’t touch your soul or win you heart, oh no. That is what any other beautiful place would do. Africa, it becomes a part of you. Africa makes you cry sometimes, and it gives me an adrenaline rush almost everyday. You will stop in your tracks to look at the flowers in Africa, or you might just end up playing football with random kids. Oh, the high-fives you’ll get. You’ll probably end up with a ton of myths and legends, and even more soveniers, because each of them signifies everything that Africa is.

Hell, you’ll want to yell at Africa sometimes. What is even happening with their politics, and why are the people not on the streets already? But then you’ll see the mother who is only trying to feed her three children and get themselves through another day. And you’ll also see the Mzungu (like myself) trotting their privilege around. And just then, you’ll see all the warmth and the affection the locals will shower on you. They will ensure you don’t go hungry, or aren’t lost, or that some heckler isn’t ripping you off.

The sheer vibracy will send you trippin’. And the fools, the fools who generalise the cultures across countries, let alone the entire continent! Every day, you’ll hear a new language, come across new traditions, see from more perspectives. And just when you think you’ve seen it all, there’ll be more.

A few weeks isn’t enough to know Africa. A lifetime isn’t enough to even begin to understand Africa. Maybe the greatness of Africa lies in its ever so increasing complexity, the intertwining of so many intriguing and strange and even awfully normal things. Maybe, the beauty of Africa is never ever really understanding it. But I promise you, it’s worth it when you try.

And so, this Mzungu isn’t going to give up anytime soon. You’ve mesmerised me, Africa, you’ve gotten into my blood. You’re part of me. And everyday, I long for you.

Until I can have the privilege to emerse myself in you all over again, Africa.

What my LDR taught me

For the uninitiated, LDR means a long distance relationship. And yes, I was in one. It didn’t work out, which is obvious from the use of past tense in the previous sentence. I’m not here to play the blame game. I’ve done it plenty. Today, leaving all my grudges and anger aside, I’m going to try and look at everything that 2+ years of LDR taught me.

1. “Distance makes the heart fonder” is false. There is nothing about the distance that made me love him more. My love for him didn’t magnify with the ocean sitting stubbornly between us. It made me miss him, it made me wish upon shooting stars and wait for 11:11 every day and night, but I don’t think my love increased solely because of the distance. My love for him was beyond any external influences, including distance.
2. “Out of sight, out of mind” is false. Even as we were miles and time zones apart, not once did it occur to me to give up on the person I cared about the most. Not once did I even consider changing my mind, or about giving up because being in a relationship where one’s early morning was others’ middle of the night was too challenging. Never did I let the inability of ours to kiss come in the middle of the pure magic we shared.
3. Faith in the other. There were times when I, or him, felt insecure about the relationship. We were both, after all, young people and had a social life. The thought of infidelity or just simply the other losing interest was enough to send shivers down our spine. But with the aforementioned ocean between us, we couldn’t track the other every minute of the day (which by the way, isn’t healthy even if you can do it). That’s when I understood that having faith over the one you love is what will give you peace of mind.
4. Ignoring the doubters. There were multiple people in my life (and I assume, in his) who did not like this relationship. It was unconventional, and there were easier, more lucrative options available for both of us. People were sometimes subtle and sometimes blunt in telling me I was wasting away my time. It bothered me sometimes, but I figured out that listening to people talk about the person who they didn’t even know existed before I mentioned their name was pointless. Nobody knows you and your loved one besides your immediate family and friends, and even they can be wrong. Don’t go with the flow of what the society wants you to do, ever.
5. Little things matter the most. When you are unable to hang out or have dinner together, those random texts in the middle of the night gain more stature than ever before. I had the habit of sending letters and emails, or just tagging him on twitter and making the world jealous with our cheesy-ness. There was nothing more sweet than him calling me up to just say ‘I love you’, and there was nothing more annoying than having to talk to a drunk football fan whose team lost. But the little things, in the end, either break you apart or make you invincible.
6. It’s just like any other relationship. Really, there are very little differences in the holistic sense. We fought over the dress (yes, that golden or blue dress) and we fought over trust issues and boundaries. We had the most common fights and the most aberrant fights. The world may think LDRs are alien in nature, but really, they just involve a little more of everything any other kind of relationship demands.

And that’s that. In the end, both of us were left with broken hearts and scattered souls but the ending was perhaps inevitable. The distance’s existence didn’t contribute to the end, I am sure of that. People have the most meaningful relationships across the globe, while others living together may end up only getting hurt. The outcome of your relationship can best be predicted by you, and you only. So don’t be afraid to do whatever it takes to protect someone, or something you believe in with all your heart.

Suffering is…?

There are a few legendary quotes, the quotes that are passes down from one generation to the other, the quotes that mark the beginning of dramatic speeches. These quotes are often inspiring, however some of them happen to be questionable. One of them is something I saw on Tumblr recently, and my mind turned into a rumble of thoughts.

“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”

Well, I beg to differ.

Suffering isn’t really as much of an option, than it is a naturally elicited response. In my opinion, suffering is a state, a state that humans (or rather most animals) are pushed into when hurt. Physical suffering, of course, is inevitable, unless we supply everyone who is literally hurt with infinite amount of morphine. However, it is the emotional, and therefore the deeper suffering, that I am talking about.

Pain is never the same for two people, and it would be irrational to expect so. Likewise, suffering isn’t evenly distributed among humanity, and I am glad it is not. Suffering is a rather important check box to determine whether or not the mass of cells in question is human. Without suffering, there would be no empathy or sympathy. A person who suffers is a person who cares. In my opinion, it is safe to state that suffering is directly proportionate to the attachment we have to that situation or people.

It is inevitable, simple because it’s vital. Be it because of social reasons or evolutionary reasons, suffering is innate in us. It is crucial for us to suffer, in order to grow and learn and change for the good. The intensity perhaps is variable, but the existence of suffering is not a matter of choice but a matter of fact.